Funny Jokes

This couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go into town, tease the barmaids and party with his old buddies, so he says to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back..."
"Where are you going coochy cooh...?" asked the wife.
"I'm going to the bar, pretty face. I'm going to have a beer." says the husband.
The wife says to him, "You want a beer my love?"
Then she opens the door to the refrigerator and shows him 25 different kinds of beer- brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc (even Kitsilano Light).
The husband doesn't know what to do, and the only thing that he can think of saying is, "Yes, loolie loolie... but the bar.... you know... the frozen glass..."
He didn't get to finish the sentence, when the wife interrupts him by saying, "You want a frozen glass puppy face?" She takes a huge beer mug out of the freezer so frozen that she was getting chills holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale, says, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious...I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"
"You want hors d'oeuvres poochy pooh?" She opens the oven and takes out 15 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in a blanket, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.
"But sweet honey...at the bar...you know...the swearing, the dirty words and all that..."
"You want some dirty words cutie pie?...here, SIT THE F*%K DOWN - DRINK YOUR F*%KIN' BEER IN YOUR FROZEN F*%KIN' MUG - EAT YOUR F*%KIN' SNACKS - YOU AREN'T GOING TO THE F*%KIN' BAR !!! GOT IT, A**HOLE ?!?!"